Hayle Nature Reserve to be replaced with multi-storey Ann Summers store.

Plans are underway to build a flagship Ann Summers store in Hayle.


The 1 mile square building will be the biggest in the world, selling everything from adult toys to clothing. Project executive – Terry Todger is very excited with the new shop, he said “This is a great opportunity for the people of Hayle. It will not only bring tens of jobs to the area, extra income and thousands of visitors to the town, it will also put Hayle on the map!”

To keep in with the recent erection of the Asda store in Hayle, Ann Summers will also be a gold building with a male, adult theme statue in the car park.

Although it will be built on the nature reserve, it will not effect the current wildlife there as the building will be built on giant stilts, allowing life to continue under the shop. The store will have a grand opening next year by local radio celebrity and comedian Johnny Crowling.


Nearly Home Trees stolen!

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The Nearly Home Trees along the A30 in Devon have been stolen.

Motorist, Dave Jones of Camborne reported the strange disappearance to Cornish News this morning, he said “I was driving back from London after being a TV extra on the Jeremy Kyle Show. When I left on Friday, the trees were there, but on the way home they were gone! I think people must have stolen them for firewood, you know what it’s like in Devon!”

The trees, situated along the A30, in Devon near the River Wolf are a famous landmark for travellers returning to Cornwall from up country. People often take photos of the trees and post online to tell their friends and family they’re “Nearly Home!”

It’s now believed that people will be forced to take a photo of the portaloo situated in a lay-by a little further down the road to show that they are nearly home!

DJ breaks up bar brawl by playing Benny Hill theme tune.


A DJ was praised as a hero on New Years Eve after breaking up a mass fight by playing the Benny Hill theme tune.

DJ – Jimmy Disco, real name Dave Smith was working at the Dinlo’s Nightclub in Camborne, Cornwall when the fight broke out, he said “It was an hour to go until the new year countdown. I thought I would put on a slow song just to get everyone in the loving mood. I played Tammy Wynette – Stand By Your Man. As soon as the song started and the words “Stand by your man” came through the speakers, a few women walked across the room from their partners and stood with other men, then all hell broke loose! There was chairs flying, pool cues snapping and bottles going everywhere, it was crazy! We managed to call the police, but after a couple of minutes the fight was still going. I thought, I started this mess, I need to finish it! I had a sudden thought, I scrolled through my laptop and found it – Benny Hill. I had nothing to lose! I pressed play and when the music kicked in, the fight went from terrifying to hilarious. People were throwing punches to the music and giggling. After a minute, the whole room stopped fighting and everyone was making friends, laughing and joking. When the police arrived, the whole club was back in party mode. The police warned me only to phone them in an emergency and threatened me with wasting police time.”

Nobody was hurt in the incident and clubbers at Dinlo’s nightclub saw in the new year with a smile on their faces.

TV show Beverly Hillbillies to be filmed in Camborne.

The Beverly Hillbillies is getting a reboot and it will be filmed in Camborne, Cornwall.

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The comedy classic TV show about a redneck family who strike it rich and move to Beverly Hills has been going since the 1950’s.

The show will have a similar story line, but will match the Cornish culture, writer Bob Billy said “The show will be renamed the Camborne Hillbillies and will be about a family who strike it rich after finding a large deposit of tin in their back garden. They then sell the tin and move to Penponds in Camborne. It will be amazing”

Filming will start next month at the Wagoners pub opposite Iceland.

People are calling for the next Lassie the dog to be played by a cat.

The classic TV show Lassie is getting a reboot and people are asking for Lassie to be played by a cat instead of a dog.

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Lassie is a TV show about a female Rough Collie dog who every episode goes on an adventure helping people in distress.

The show began in the 1940’s, Lassie fan, Max Doberman, said “I have watched every episode of Lassie, I even named my dog Lassie, but times change and in this day and age, I think it’s only fair that Lassie gets played by a cat and not a dog!”

Not everyone is happy, when the news was posted on twitter, there was a backlash when 3 people commented on the tweet, one person wrote “This is getting beyond a joke!”

It’s not sure whether Lassie will be played by a cat, we will find out in the new year.



Men dressed as Santa banned from saying ‘ho ho ho’ in case someone gets offended.


The government issued a warning today, refraining anyone dressing as Santa, not to use the term, “Ho ho ho” in case it caused offence.

Chief whip, Harry Balsak made the announcement on national news this morning, he said “With the current climate, we are asking anyone dressing as Santa, not to say “Ho ho ho” as this could be taken the wrong way, as someone might think you are referring to prostitution. Instead, we’re asking Santas to say, “hi hi hi” as this will be more family appropriate!”

After the announcement, people went online to voice their concerns, William Williams posted to Facebook, “First Kleenex remove mansize from their tissues, now people aren’t allowed to say “Ho ho ho” where will it end?”