THE MAN WHO PUT THE ASS IN PASTY

John Cheesman was caught with a Pasty down his pants.

John Cheesman was caught with a Pasty down his pants.

A Hayle man has lost his job at the Corner to Corner Pasty shop, after being caught with a Pasty down his pants. John Cheesman of Foundry Square is thought to have performed this weird act, as part of a sex game.

One of his friends said “Old Cheesy is a nice bloke, but he does some seriously strange stuff. Last year he tied a fishing line round his privates, put a hook on the line and went fishing off the estuary. When the fish started pulling on the line, he yelped out and quickly cut the string! I really have no idea what he was thinking. He also has a big obsession with stuffing things down his pants! One day he came round for tea, I left him in the kitchen for five minutes and when I came back, he had my sandwich down his drawers. I’m glad I caught him in the act, as if I didn’t see him, I would have eaten the bloody thing”

Neil Evans, the owner of the Corner to Corner Pasty shop said, “customers need not to worry, we have cameras all over the premises, we watched back through the security footage and that was the only time he has ever done this! He seemed like a nice chap, but I always thought he was a bit strange. On his tea break he would always go to the back garden of the shop. Holding a bit of fishing line, he would stand with his back to us, looking at our pond. Then all of a sudden, he would make a loud yelp noise and then come back to work with a big smile on his face! Then one day, he was late back from his break, he looked really depressed and when I asked what was wrong, he said “it’s terrible, I didn’t get a tug today”

A spokesman from the Pasty Institution of Standards and Safety or P.I.S.S. said “It is very rare for someone to tamper with Pasties. Shop owners follow strict procedures and face anything up to a jail sentence if they fail to meet health and hygiene standards. Mr Cheesman has some seriously wrong issues and I would be surprised if anyone ever employs that dirty bugger – ever again!

Sadly John was not available for comment, as he was down the job centre.

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