Nightclub closed after “Brown Noise” song gives five hundred people explosive Diarrhoea.

The DJ shouted "who want's to hear a banging song?"

The DJ shouted “who want’s to hear a banging song?”

A Nightclub in Camborne was closed last Saturday evening when a song gave five hundred listeners – explosive Diarrhoea.

Resident DJ Jimmy Jimmy Disco real name Nigel Brown of the “Dinlo’s” Nightclub Camborne said “I usually make really cool remixes on my computer. This week I was at home looking online when I came across an article about a phenomenon called “Brown Noise.” It said, if you play a bass noise at a certain frequency the vibration of the sound will disturb the listeners stomach and cause them to empty their bowels. So as a precaution, I took my laptop into the bathroom and sat on the toilet whilst making the song! Nothing really happened at home, although I did fart a couple times when I turned the volume up.

I took the song to Dinlo’s that evening. The club was full and everyone was dancing. I stopped the music and shouted to the crowd “who wants to hear a banging song?” the whole crowd cheered and everyone seemed really excited. I decided to count down from ten. The whole crowd joined in. We got to one. I pressed play and all I heard was the sound of five hundred people groaning at the same time. They all looked at each other with a really embarrassed look on their faces. I didn’t know what to do so I kept playing the song to see what would happen next. Then the club manager came running out the toilet waving his arms – shouting “TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!” By that time it was too late and everyone had pooped themselves. It was the worst moment of my life!”

A regular club goer who didn’t want to be named, said “I can’t believe what happened. It was gross. One minute everyone was dancing, the next minute everyone was groaning. I rushed to the toilet and it looked like a crime scene in there! Completely disgusting, there was even a hand print on the wall! I’m never going there again.

Brown Noise was discovered during the second World War, when scientist tried to make weapons with sounds. The chances of creating it are very rare and the noise is at such a low frequency it cannot be heard by the human ear. The sound wave vibrates around twenty times per second, penetrating the stomach – causing the listener to mess themselves.

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24 thoughts on “Nightclub closed after “Brown Noise” song gives five hundred people explosive Diarrhoea.

  1. “Brown Noise was discovered during the second World War, when scientist tried to make weapons with sounds.”

    Didn’t Kate Bush do a song about this?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve only heard different things about brown noise. I heard it’s about 20hz. Once I was using an electric sander all day and for a day after I had really bad stomach upset! A friend said it was because my insides were vibrating all day! It did sort of make sense…

      Like

      • There’s a couple of brown noise generators for the iPhone, for sleep. It sounds like rain.
        Noise (by definition) contains all frequencies, but the distribution of them varies, giving white, pink, and brown noise their characteristic sounds.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Fantastic story. But I am frankly shocked at the level of illiteracy of a paid journalist who writes ‘The DJ shouted “who want’s to hear a banging song?”’… capital W in ‘who’ and no apostrophe in ‘wants’… Can your paper afford subeditors?

    Liked by 1 person

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