Cornwall to build the first ever “sea level lowering pipe” to cure global warming.
A pipe will be fitted in at the Hayle estuary and will poke out into space. Water will be pumped from the sea into space – lowering the rising sea levels. Once the pipe is finished, the amount of water pumped out to space will be controlled by a mobile phone app on the controllers phone. It is thought rising sea-levels will be cured within the next six months and global warming will be enjoyed rather than feared.
Marine Biologist Robert Rowe from Pengeggon in Camborne came up with the idea one night whilst out drinking with his friends. He said “I was out drinking cider with a straw one night I looked at the cider leaving the bottle from the straw and the cider level getting lower in the bottler. I had a sudden thought. If we pumped water into space with a pipe, it would lower the sea level!”
Robert contacted the government who approved the work right away. Chancellor George Wasborn granted Robert ten thousand pounds in B&Q vouchers to buy the pipe and pump. He said “Why didn’t anyone think of this before? When it comes to global warming and the rising sea levels, so many things have been done; energy saving light bulbs, renewable energy, electric cars and to be honest we’ve just been pissing in the wind! All we need to do now is pump water into space and we’ll lower sea levels. We’ll still have global warming, so Cornwall will be lovely and warm.”
The pipe should be finished in the next couple of weeks and there will be Keyrings, postcards and hats for sale featuring the pipe with the projects caption “love global warming”.