The Pasty Police have been hunting down a black market Pasty seller in Camborne who has been selling “Cut and Shut” Pasties.
It is believed the organised criminal gang are operating from a mobile Pasty van in the area, called “The Pasty Wagon.”
Head of the Pasty Police said “We had a member of the public report some dodgey goings on in the Pengeggon area last week. Someone bought a Pasty for £3 thinking it was a beautiful Cornish Oven Flaky, only to get half way down and bite into a cold petrol station Pasty that was made with minced meat and then they choked on some carrot. We think the perpetrators are buying the best pasties and the worst, then glueing them together and leaving the nice half sticking out the bag to deceive customers. This is against the law!”
We managed to get a short interview with the victim who is recovering in hospital, they said “I thought something was up, when the man served me from the pasty wagon, he seemed really shifty. I bought the pasty, bit into it and thought “Bleddy ‘ansome” but when I got half way down, I started choking, it was all cold and beastly. I spat it out on the floor! F@#KING CARROT! I thought I was going to die there and then, I called the emergency services and they were so concerned, they sent the army in an Apache helicopter to rush me to Treliske Hospital!”
The Pasty Police concluded “Due to the recent legislation about Cornish Pasties, it seems there are now a lot of Pasties being sold on the Black Market! Please watch out, as we all know Cornish people are highly allergic to carrots and it’s only a matter of time before some poor bugger dies from one! If you spot any suspicious behavior call the Pasty Police immediately.”