A man contacted the Cornish News today claiming he went a whole day without looking on Facebook.
Nigel Penrose of Fore Street, Praze-An-Beeble, Cornwall said “I’ve been training for the last two years! I started out by looking on Bebo every other five minutes! I’ve only got twelve friends on there, so I soon got fed up with that. About a month ago I was only looking at my phone in the morning, before getting out of bed. Then an hour at night on my laptop, just scrolling down the page for no apparent reason. The last month I’ve been tapering off and am back to picking up my phone every five minutes and even sometimes in the middle of the night. Then yesterday, I done it! A whole day, I really didn’t think I could do it!”
Sadly the change in his behaviour was too much for his wife Margret. She had to be taken to Treliske for shock treatment. Speaking from her hospital bed, she said “I got home from work and I asked Nigel how his day was, he answered me right away. I don’t think I was prepared for such a swift response and felt a bit dizzy. I then asked if he was feeling okay? He answered again, instantly and I could see he’d taken both questions in. I thought I was in a dream and the next thing I know, I was in the back of an ambulance, shaking!”
Experts are not convinced Nigel is telling the truth. Professor Melvin Melvinson said “We do not believe this is possible! I can only go half an hour before looking at my profile! I often feel as if I’m going to miss something, then after five minutes I log off, thinking “Why do I do this?” It’s a vicious circle and five minutes later, I forget and I’m back on Facebook again. Someone to go a whole day without Facebook is impossible! I don’t even think the guy from the Matrix could do that!”
It appears he has not suffered any long term damage and was back in full swing today. First, he posted a status about the weather. Followed by a photo of his shitty looking dinner and finally, a photo of a money spider, taken so close up, it looked like a three foot wide Tarantula. This topped off with the classic caption “EEEK!!! Does anyone know if this is a False Widow?”