Zone IS home.

Local legend Lee Griffiths writes about his experiences at the Zone Nightclub in Redruth…

ZoneZone IS home.

Mardi Gras? Fancy Dress Competitions with amazing prizes (£100 drinks vouchers to name one) and presents under a tree at Christmas… Where on EARTH are this magical place? And how do you become a VIP?
At the centre of Redruth, there is a quaint river that flows freely through an arch of beautiful trees and wild flowers. Past this, after a small walk, you come to a place named ‘Little Vauxhall’. This is one of Cornwall’s hidden gems… And holds its brightest sparkle.

Walking up to the entrance feels as if you’re walking into a little bar on the strip in Ibiza as you are welcomed by the friendly door staff and, on the odd occasion, by the main man himself… Bailey.

On arrival at the pay hatch, more often than not you’re greeted with witty banter: always remember they’re sober and you’re not! Also, look out for random signs stuck to doors and walls, they’re a great read! ‘Mind the step.’ Too late now.

After the massive gates (heavy double doors) it appears there are drinks on arrival, feel free to take one just watch out for the phlegm.

The house of mirrors are sure to make you question yourself as you often see an army of ten stumbling idiots, and, unfortunately yes, they are all you. The bouncers are also always there to keep an eye on you and are always there to be your personal escort if you’ve had too many shandies!

As you waltz your way through the crowds of people to get yourself a well earned drink, you will see pretty much everyone you know and take about 10 minutes to actually find somewhere to park and refuel. Drinks are cheap unless you enjoy the finer things in life. Thursday night when drinks are £2 tops, you’re going to have a good night with a tenner – no problem!

By now you’ve downed your Apple Sourz and your bottle of blue wkd, it’s time to slam that thang on the floor. But before that, the inner beast in you feels the need to escape your cage. This involves a hop, skip and a jump to writhe around on the bars of the cage, doing your perfect Christina Aguilera impression. This is the warm up for the best dance sesh of your life! Are your backing dancers ready?

If you enjoy watching people fall ass over tit repeatedly, get the best view from the stage, believe me it’s worth it! It’s the best place to make friends and dancing partners for life (the night.) The DJs love nothing more than everyone coming up and requesting songs. Shout outs are also a fantastic way to embarrass everyone you know – the occasional birthday shoutout when ‘WHEYY’ ripples through the dance floor.

The three massive steps that lay in front of you are also the best place for a tumble, a dance, and exercise routines aplenty. Alongside this is a podium. This podium can be used as a personal dance floor for the Clubland Girls of Redruth to strut their stuff or for 12 lads to sardine themselves to rave. It also turns invisible if you’re a little squiffy, in which you fall head first into the industrial bottle bin chained to the stairway.

THIS. Before the stage fell ten foot from the sky, the stage had poles. POLES. Everyone’s inner stripper came out and made for a fantastic show- it was honestly the best!

Upstairs was also an essential part of the Zone experience. Either up the spiral stairs that make you dizzy by the end, or the stairs by the bar. You knew not to touch the walls and if you didn’t, you soon learnt. This was another great meeting place for the masses, leading to the top bar – the heaven at the Church Of Zone. One bar, five sofas and the old food hatch, manned by one of the various burger babes of yonder. Upstairs is extremely missed by all!

As the night creeps closer to closing time, your experience comes to an end. You’ll queue what seems to be forever to get your coat, but in the air hangs the beautiful aroma of the Cornish delicacy… A steaming hot pasty. Where ELSE in the world can you get a pasty on departure? A chorus of goodnight goes through the lobby as crowds of merry people say bye to the doormen who know everything about everyone and are actually Saints when they’re not sorting out drunken scraps and arguments, just don’t wind them up and you’ll be fine!

Ps, Time-Out is in full force at Zone if you’re swaying at full throttle. 20 minutes outside never did anyone any harm, especially when equipped with water to wash those demons away! Sometimes you’re lucky and you’ll only be punished with ten minutes on the sofa.

This is just a typical night, but throughout the year there are many a themed night!

A-Level results is ALWAYS ram packed with everyone dressed as if they are at a school disco, it’s more hilarious than anything!

Christmas in Zone is always the best Christmas party ever! Being open on Christmas Eve you are pretty much destined to wake up fuzzy headed on Christmas Day, but it’s 100% worth it… (believe me)! Shout out to all the people who take home one night stands and forget that it’s Christmas Day the following morning!

After Christmas and New Years and if you’ve still got your ticket from either night, you have the chance to become a VIP member of Zone! Free entry on the Zone Triple (Thursday, Friday and Saturday) with your ticket stamped all through January to get your prestigious Zone Golden Ticket! 144 FREE nights to party are at your disposal. EVERYTHING becomes an occasion just to use the privilege of free entry! Oh, and of course, the photo they use makes you look like a model.

Zone may be seen as a ‘dive’ and a ‘hovel’ but, in truth, everyone secretly holds a love for that wondrous building! Be it Trumpets, Twilight, Zone or the affectionate ‘Twigz’, everyone has a story to tell!

So in all, if you want a cheap night out, surrounded by all walks of life, with hilarious things happening all around you then you know where to go.

Zone is, and will always be, home.


Camborne to become an independent country

cornish news camborneCamborne will soon become an independent nation, after locals voted to leave the UK.

Last week, down at the Royal Legion, a crowd of 15 people voted for independence.

Freddy Bunt, from Weeth Lane said “We were all in the club talking about Cornwall becoming independant. We thought most people weren’t interested, so we said “Bugger it!” We’ll vote for Camborne town to become its own independent Country!”

The U.K. government passed the decision within 2 hours. Adam Hole from Troon said “The English Prime Minister granted our wish as quickly as possible. It was like he didn’t want Camborne to be part of the U.K.

The council have now started fencing around town, starting at Mc. Donalds Pool.

People will now need a passport to enter and leave the Country.

It is thought they will legalise cannabis for their main source of revenue and chancellor Malcolm Richards has calculated that Camborne will be one of the richest countries in the world. He said “We were concerned about where our money would come from, so we spoke to a few people in town hanging round the square, drinking cider. We asked, “What could Camborne produce, in order to sustain a healthy economy?” One of the men swiftly replied “Weed!” It seemed a bit off at first, but when we looked at the figures, Camborne will be more well off than USA!”

Camborne leaving Cornwall and the U.K. has caused quite a stir. It is rumored when other towns in Cornwall heard about how rich Camborne will be, they asked to join in! Freddy Bunt said “We were back in the Legion looking at how much money could be made from weed, when Mark James uncle called from Penzance. Well, Marks uncle Craig, knows the truck brothers down Penzance, heard of they ‘av ‘e? You knaw! The truck brothers, Kevin and Ross Truck, Jimmy’s boys. Got that second hand shop opposite the Corner to Corner Pasty shop! You knaw! Anyway, when Mark told Craig, Craig told the truck brothers and they were jumping! They wanted to get Penzance to merge and call Penzance “West Camborne.” Thing is though, nobody wanted anything to do with Camborne before, but now, everyone wants to be part of it! Bollocks to them, who’s laughing now! When we get our first batch of money, we’re going to put the dodgems in the middle of the square, with a burger wagon and candy floss machine, all for free!”

Not everyone in Camborne has backed the move! Shirley Prisk who lives up behind the Red Jackets said “Selling weed legally! What? That’s alright for some people, but the old dealers are going to be put out of business! Then all they’ll have to live on is their dole money each week! Bleddy stupid!”