Local legend Lee Griffiths writes about his experiences at the Zone Nightclub in Redruth…
Mardi Gras? Fancy Dress Competitions with amazing prizes (£100 drinks vouchers to name one) and presents under a tree at Christmas… Where on EARTH are this magical place? And how do you become a VIP?
At the centre of Redruth, there is a quaint river that flows freely through an arch of beautiful trees and wild flowers. Past this, after a small walk, you come to a place named ‘Little Vauxhall’. This is one of Cornwall’s hidden gems… And holds its brightest sparkle.
Walking up to the entrance feels as if you’re walking into a little bar on the strip in Ibiza as you are welcomed by the friendly door staff and, on the odd occasion, by the main man himself… Bailey.
On arrival at the pay hatch, more often than not you’re greeted with witty banter: always remember they’re sober and you’re not! Also, look out for random signs stuck to doors and walls, they’re a great read! ‘Mind the step.’ Too late now.
After the massive gates (heavy double doors) it appears there are drinks on arrival, feel free to take one just watch out for the phlegm.
The house of mirrors are sure to make you question yourself as you often see an army of ten stumbling idiots, and, unfortunately yes, they are all you. The bouncers are also always there to keep an eye on you and are always there to be your personal escort if you’ve had too many shandies!
As you waltz your way through the crowds of people to get yourself a well earned drink, you will see pretty much everyone you know and take about 10 minutes to actually find somewhere to park and refuel. Drinks are cheap unless you enjoy the finer things in life. Thursday night when drinks are £2 tops, you’re going to have a good night with a tenner – no problem!
By now you’ve downed your Apple Sourz and your bottle of blue wkd, it’s time to slam that thang on the floor. But before that, the inner beast in you feels the need to escape your cage. This involves a hop, skip and a jump to writhe around on the bars of the cage, doing your perfect Christina Aguilera impression. This is the warm up for the best dance sesh of your life! Are your backing dancers ready?
If you enjoy watching people fall ass over tit repeatedly, get the best view from the stage, believe me it’s worth it! It’s the best place to make friends and dancing partners for life (the night.) The DJs love nothing more than everyone coming up and requesting songs. Shout outs are also a fantastic way to embarrass everyone you know – the occasional birthday shoutout when ‘WHEYY’ ripples through the dance floor.
The three massive steps that lay in front of you are also the best place for a tumble, a dance, and exercise routines aplenty. Alongside this is a podium. This podium can be used as a personal dance floor for the Clubland Girls of Redruth to strut their stuff or for 12 lads to sardine themselves to rave. It also turns invisible if you’re a little squiffy, in which you fall head first into the industrial bottle bin chained to the stairway.
THIS. Before the stage fell ten foot from the sky, the stage had poles. POLES. Everyone’s inner stripper came out and made for a fantastic show- it was honestly the best!
Upstairs was also an essential part of the Zone experience. Either up the spiral stairs that make you dizzy by the end, or the stairs by the bar. You knew not to touch the walls and if you didn’t, you soon learnt. This was another great meeting place for the masses, leading to the top bar – the heaven at the Church Of Zone. One bar, five sofas and the old food hatch, manned by one of the various burger babes of yonder. Upstairs is extremely missed by all!
As the night creeps closer to closing time, your experience comes to an end. You’ll queue what seems to be forever to get your coat, but in the air hangs the beautiful aroma of the Cornish delicacy… A steaming hot pasty. Where ELSE in the world can you get a pasty on departure? A chorus of goodnight goes through the lobby as crowds of merry people say bye to the doormen who know everything about everyone and are actually Saints when they’re not sorting out drunken scraps and arguments, just don’t wind them up and you’ll be fine!
Ps, Time-Out is in full force at Zone if you’re swaying at full throttle. 20 minutes outside never did anyone any harm, especially when equipped with water to wash those demons away! Sometimes you’re lucky and you’ll only be punished with ten minutes on the sofa.
This is just a typical night, but throughout the year there are many a themed night!
A-Level results is ALWAYS ram packed with everyone dressed as if they are at a school disco, it’s more hilarious than anything!
Christmas in Zone is always the best Christmas party ever! Being open on Christmas Eve you are pretty much destined to wake up fuzzy headed on Christmas Day, but it’s 100% worth it… (believe me)! Shout out to all the people who take home one night stands and forget that it’s Christmas Day the following morning!
After Christmas and New Years and if you’ve still got your ticket from either night, you have the chance to become a VIP member of Zone! Free entry on the Zone Triple (Thursday, Friday and Saturday) with your ticket stamped all through January to get your prestigious Zone Golden Ticket! 144 FREE nights to party are at your disposal. EVERYTHING becomes an occasion just to use the privilege of free entry! Oh, and of course, the photo they use makes you look like a model.
Zone may be seen as a ‘dive’ and a ‘hovel’ but, in truth, everyone secretly holds a love for that wondrous building! Be it Trumpets, Twilight, Zone or the affectionate ‘Twigz’, everyone has a story to tell!
So in all, if you want a cheap night out, surrounded by all walks of life, with hilarious things happening all around you then you know where to go.
Zone is, and will always be, home.