Portreath’s cash boost will be spent on Imodium to stop harbour from smelling like eggy farts

Grant will buy over 7000 packets of Imodium

Grant will buy over 7000 packets of Imodium

Coastal towns will benefit from a new government grant to help boost seaside areas.

With up to £60,000 on offer, Portreath Harbour Commissioner, Keith Crumpet said, “Well, it’s about time we sorted that smell out in the Harbour! With £60,000 we could buy over 7000 packets of Imodium and just have volunteers emptying the packets into the water!”

Portreath harbour is known for it’s “Eggy” smell. Steve Hole of Camborne said, “As far as I can remember, the harbour has always smelt like farts. When we drive to Portreath Beach, we always play a game. When you arrive in the village, whoever is in the car, has to guess whether the tide’s in or out! You can only guess this by sticking your head out the window and smelling the air! It’s a bit tricky when the tides in, but when the tides out, everyone guesses correctly – because Portreath smells like someone’s dropped one!”

Nobody is really sure why the Harbour smells like it does and it’s not sure whether Imodium will make a difference. Keith Crumpet finally said, “Will it work? Well, I think it will! The harbour is a bit like when you’ve got eggy burps, but you didn’t eat egg! Or it smells a bit like when I’ve drunk 15 pints of Rattler the night before! Just wait until we got all they Imodium! Portreath will go from ‘eaving to Heaven overnight! ”

Local authorities have warned members of the public not to treat the upset harbour themselves. A spokesman said, “Leave it to the professionals. Remember, there are actually things that live in there!”

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