Dave with the Camborne Mafia
By Steve Heller – Cornish News
David Cameron is on holiday in Cornwall again, only this time, he’s come to visit the notorious “Camborne Mafia”
After spending a day mooching round the beach and surfing on his bodyboard, David headed to Pengegon, to rinse it up with the lads.
Speaking exclusively to the Cornish News, the Prime minister said “Wha Gwarn Blud? I’ve come to Pengegon to hang with my Bae’s! We’ve been smashing the Frosties and we’re off to see Dodgy Dave to score half a teenth of dirt bar. When I’m in Cornwall, I like to be around my crew and everyone knows how I love to hug a hoodie! Who know’s one of them may even try to get a job one day!”
Head of the Camborne Mafia, Nigel Curnow said “He always comes down this time of the year! We think it’s funny cause he wears a suit all the time! Reminds me of when the bailiffs came round and took mums DVD player!”
It’s not sure how long Dave will be in Cornwall as the whole of Europe are expecting him to do a bit of work sometime, but nobody’s counting on it!
Monument has gone
The Camborne Mafia strike again! This time stealing the monument at Carn Brea near Redruth.
It is believed the three teenagers stole a crane from a local plant hire and were seen loading the monument on the back of a lorry.
A passer-by, who doesn’t want to be named, was walking her dog when she spotted the incident, Shirley Hall from 6 Pendarves Road, Camborne said “I was walking Max when I saw three young men wearing shell-suits and trainers loading the Carn Brea Monument on the back of the lorry. I heard one of them shout ‘We can get twenty quid for this and buy some baccy and pot!’ I thought it was a little strange, as I’ve never seen a Chav do any work before!”
The young lads are now wanted by the Police and also the Dole Office. Chief Giro Giver-outer, Barry Cash, of the Redruth Job Centre said “The three men are currently claiming job seekers allowance and if they don’t declare the twenty pounds, they will lose their Job Seeker’s Allowance Claim. I suggest they be good little boys and tell us all about it!”
This isn’t the first time the Mafia have caused upset. Last Wednesday they stole fifty pence worth of goods from a pound shop.
Steve Heller – Cornish News
The Police were on the hunt for the self proclaimed “Camborne Mafia” after they stole goods worth fifty pence from the sound as a pound, pound shop in Camborne on Wednesday.
Shop manager, Margret Margretson said “There were three teenagers in the shop, wearing shell-suits and baseball caps. They were being very noisy! One kept shouting “Arse!” and the others would look round to see if anyone noticed, then they would laugh! We think they were looking for a bit of attention. When they left, I noticed they’d stolen something! They could have stolen anything, but they stole half a bar of chocolate! If anyone’s that hard up – they can have the bleddy thing!”
Experts say the Camborne Mafia are not linked to the real Mafia in anyway. If seen in the street the best thing to do is to “Just ignore them!” Enforcement officer Graham James said “You’ll see them hanging round the shop somewhere, or next to a phone box, or sat outside a supermarket. Sometimes drinking cider. They are a bit like farts, nobody likes them and no matter what you do, they’re there when you least expect them!”
It is believed the teenagers are also responsible for a spate of graffiti in and around Camborne.
Do you know who the Camborne Mafia are? Cornish News would love to meet them.
Steve Heller – Cornish News