*ORDER NOW* Steve Heller – Bestest Hits So Far CD ALBUM FOR CHRISTMAS!

Steve Hellers 3rd CD Album

£9.99 including free delivery

An ideal Christmas present! All UK deliveries will arrive before Christmas!

To order just follow the link

https://paypal.me/SteveHellerCornwall

CD Cover best 1 copy.jpgSteve Heller has remade and remastered some of his greatest hits so far and put them into a CD, just for you! With 15 Cornish bangers, including his new release “Drecky Never Happens”

  1. Dreckly Never Happens

  2. Like Un

  3. Camborne

  4. Ginsters Paradise

  5. Pasty Shop

  6. Penzance

  7. Redruth

  8. 99 Problems

  9. Dropped Un

  10. My Misses

  11. Pasty Attack

  12. This Is Cornwall

  13. Helston

  14. Welcome To Cornwall

  15. Rattler

 

 

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Man arrested for turning Carn Brea boulder into poo shaped Kernow Rock.

A Redruth man was arrested yesterday, after he painted a rock brown on Carn Brea. The 4 foot boulder can be seen from miles around and looks just like poo.

rock

The police were quick to make a statement about the incident. PC nugget, at Troon Police station, said “We arrested a 27 year old Redruth man today. He was held in police custody after turning a granite rock into poo. We urge members of the public to think carefully before participating in the internet game – Kernow Rocks, as you may be damaging public property – which is illegal.”

The internet led game, known as Kernow Rocks was set up a couple of years ago. Members of the group paint rocks and hide them around Cornwall for other members to find and upload pictures onto their Facebook page.

Man ‘sharts’ in Camborne pound shop after his wife spikes pasty with laxatives.

A  man was left extremely embarrassed today after he soiled himself in a pound shop.

Christopher Brown

Chris was hoping to blame the fart on an old lady.

Christopher Brown, from Praze-An-Beeble was enjoying an afternoon shopping when disaster struck, he said “I can’t believe what happened! I was stood in the queue at the pound shop, ready to pay for some Walnut Whips. My guts had been playing up all morning and I thought I just needed to fart. There was an old lady stood in front of me and I thought, if I let out a quiet one and it stinks, everyone will just think it’s the old lady. I relaxed and tried slowly squeezing it out. Suddenly, I felt a big bubbling sensation up the side of my body, there was a massive fart noise and I could feel a warm, wet liquid running down the side of my leg – out the side of my shorts. The old lady looked at me and shouted, “My word, you’ve shit yourself!” I dropped my walnut whips and ran out the store!”

Chris quickly exited onto the street and headed to the nearest public toilet, he added “I felt so embarrassed, I snuck down the back road, to the toilets at Rosewarne car park, but they were shut! I was so desperate, I squatted down by a recycling bin, dropped my shorts and let rip! It was the worst moment of my life!”

Chris finally made it to a pub, where he cleaned himself up in the toilet then caught the bus home.

He finished, “When I got home, I told the wife what had happened. She started laughing and said she put ten laxatives in my pasty, as payback for not doing the dishes the night before! It’s safe to say, I will be doing the dishes from now on and that’s the last time I ever buy a Walnut Whip”