A man was left extremely embarrassed today after he soiled himself in a pound shop.
Christopher Brown, from Praze-An-Beeble was enjoying an afternoon shopping when disaster struck, he said “I can’t believe what happened! I was stood in the queue at the pound shop, ready to pay for some Walnut Whips. My guts had been playing up all morning and I thought I just needed to fart. There was an old lady stood in front of me and I thought, if I let out a quiet one and it stinks, everyone will just think it’s the old lady. I relaxed and tried slowly squeezing it out. Suddenly, I felt a big bubbling sensation up the side of my body, there was a massive fart noise and I could feel a warm, wet liquid running down the side of my leg – out the side of my shorts. The old lady looked at me and shouted, “My word, you’ve shit yourself!” I dropped my walnut whips and ran out the store!”
Chris quickly exited onto the street and headed to the nearest public toilet, he added “I felt so embarrassed, I snuck down the back road, to the toilets at Rosewarne car park, but they were shut! I was so desperate, I squatted down by a recycling bin, dropped my shorts and let rip! It was the worst moment of my life!”
Chris finally made it to a pub, where he cleaned himself up in the toilet then caught the bus home.
He finished, “When I got home, I told the wife what had happened. She started laughing and said she put ten laxatives in my pasty, as payback for not doing the dishes the night before! It’s safe to say, I will be doing the dishes from now on and that’s the last time I ever buy a Walnut Whip”