Black Friday cut short after man gets testicles trapped in Aldi door.

A shopper had an abrupt ending to his Black Friday when his testicles got trapped in a sliding door.

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Cornishman, Harry Sack was waiting to enter his local Aldi in Lands End Cornwall when the incident happened. Bystander, Shirley Ball was stood behind him at the time, she said “It was quite cramped at the front of the queue, suddenly the door opened slightly, everyone pushed, then it closed again. The man in front of me yelped out really loud and the door opened again and everyone cheered and rushed in. I don’t know what happened to the man because everyone just pushed into the shop, we all wanted to get our hands on Kevin the Carrot, I guess that poor chap was more concerned about his own carrot, I hope he’s alright.

Security guard, David Jones didn’t want to comment on the situation, but ensured us that Harry Sack had made a full recovery and was back shopping within ten minutes.



Camborne to get a nightclub above Poundland called the Ministry Of Pound.


Camborne is set to get new nightclub next year. The 1000 capacity club will be above Poundland next to Argos. Local businessman Del Davis, said “Camborne really needs a club and I’ve decided it’s time to set one up. It’ll be above the pound shop, so I thought I’d call it the Ministry Of Pound, it’s a catchy name! It’s in the perfect location because it’s right next to the taxi rank. People can go to Spoons, Tyacks, White Hart then finish off in the club, it will be amazing!”

Camborne has had a few clubs over the years with the Berkely Centre in the 80’s and 90’s followed by the Corn Exchange. Ever since the Zone nightclub closed a few months ago, people have really struggled to enjoy a night out, with pubs getting overcrowded in the area.

Theresa May plans to sell toy red buses to help out with the cost of Brexit


Theresa May has made plans to sell little red buses to help with the cost of leaving the EU.

It is believed the bill for Brexit will be at least 10 billion pounds and May hopes to recoup the cost by selling the little buses on ebay for £1 each, she said “I understand Brexit will cost a lot of money, but if everyone buys a little bus we can pull ourselves out of the red, it’s genius.

Other fundraising plans include; busking and dancing in the street, a coffee morning and sponsored walk.

Her sudden enthusiasm to raise the money has come ever since she heard Mars Bars could run out in the UK if we have a no deal Brexit!

Donald Trump spotted singing karaoke at the White Hart in Camborne


The people of Camborne were treated with a surprise visit from Donald Trump last night when he was spotted singing karaoke in the White Hart pub.

He’s believed to have made a whistle stop tour after visiting his golf course in Scotland. One of his spokesmen said, “Donald discovered Camborne on Twitter, he said it’s his kind of town! He couldn’t wait to go to the White Hart to let his hair down!”

Regular Camborne drinker, Derek Hutchins spotted the American president, he said “Christ, I was outside having a rollie, I looked through the window and couldn’t believe my eyes, bleddy Donald Trump singing on the karaoke, for a moment I thought someone had spiked my drink. He didn’t stay long. He sang Barbie Girl, necked a pint of Rattler and was gone! We all watched as he staggered across the road into USA Chicken and was chatting to some bird! I wish he’d stayed longer, he looks like a right laugh on the piss!”

It’s not certain if he will return to Cornwall, however the people who met him said he seemed to enjoy himself.