The Meht office have issued a yellow weather warning, saying there will be 3 feet of snow if Theresa May goes through with a no deal Brexit.
There could also be a pasty shortage with only the big companies like Ginsters left to serve the public lunch.
It is believed that if a Brexit deal is reached then we will just get a bit of rain and all pasties will be restored.
A DJ was praised as a hero on New Years Eve after breaking up a mass fight by playing the Benny Hill theme tune.
DJ – Jimmy Disco, real name Dave Smith was working at the Dinlo’s Nightclub in Camborne, Cornwall when the fight broke out, he said “It was an hour to go until the new year countdown. I thought I would put on a slow song just to get everyone in the loving mood. I played Tammy Wynette – Stand By Your Man. As soon as the song started and the words “Stand by your man” came through the speakers, a few women walked across the room from their partners and stood with other men, then all hell broke loose! There was chairs flying, pool cues snapping and bottles going everywhere, it was crazy! We managed to call the police, but after a couple of minutes the fight was still going. I thought, I started this mess, I need to finish it! I had a sudden thought, I scrolled through my laptop and found it – Benny Hill. I had nothing to lose! I pressed play and when the music kicked in, the fight went from terrifying to hilarious. People were throwing punches to the music and giggling. After a minute, the whole room stopped fighting and everyone was making friends, laughing and joking. When the police arrived, the whole club was back in party mode. The police warned me only to phone them in an emergency and threatened me with wasting police time.”
Nobody was hurt in the incident and clubbers at Dinlo’s nightclub saw in the new year with a smile on their faces.