Redruth using cash funding to build a wall and keep out Cambornians.

photo-1523811258375-2de136554781Redruth vows to spend government funding on building a wall to keep out the people of Camborne town.

The town was originally granted a share of 69 million pounds to restore the towns historic buildings and regenerate the area, but after a town meeting it was decided that building a wall near Camborne was the best use of the money.

Redruth Town’s project manager – Peter Pard was excited about his decision, he said “We could have spent the money of fixing up some of the historic buildings in the town, but I think it’s about time we kept those lot out, the Cambornians. If you think about it, we’re doing them a favour as well as they probably don’t want us lot in Camborne, so it’s a win win, not that anyone from Redruth would want to go there.”

The wall is planned to stretch from the A30 at Tolvaddon and will end at Piece pub in Carnkie.

Not everyone is happy with the project, Dave Mitchell from Redruth, said “What a waste of money, I’ll have to drive the long way round now to get to Camborne Wetherspoons, or even worst, jump the train!”

20 mile tailback when two polite tourist drivers offer each other the right of way on A30 junction.

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Two drivers were stuck on the A30 yesterday, after offering each other the right of way causing a 20 mile tailback on a junction.

Drivers, Richard Richtwit and Harry Secondhome met on the Boxheater junction along the A30 when the incident happened.

Local witness, Dave from Camborne was stuck in the traffic, he said “They were just sat there, smiling and making hand signals for at least two hours, saying – “No you go!” Then the other one would say, “No you go!” People were beeping their horns and some drivers were hanging out their windows, shouting “Just effing go!!!” It went on for 2 hours, until the bloke in the brand new Mercedes, with a massive box on the roof realised he was actually lost! So he done a u-turn in the middle of the road and went back up the other way! You certainly do get them down here that’s for sure!”

Police are urging motorists to be more considerate towards other road users, as the majority of people in Cornwall are just trying to go about their normal lives and not swanning about the place without a care in the world!

They would also like to remind people of how extremely dangerous it is to perform u-turns in the middle of main roads!

Man loves Ginsters so much he got their logo tattooed on his ass.

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A Cornish man loves Ginsters pasties so much he got their logo tattooed on his ass.

Steve Heller, from Camborne in Cornwall is a huge fan of the pasties and claims to eat at least 3 a day, he said “I love them, they’re so tasty! The other day I was eating two at the same time, one in each hand when I thought – I should get the tattoo! I couldn’t sit down for a couple of days after, but it was well worth it!”

The 39 year old hopes that one day he can visit the factory where they’re made in the north of Cornwall! Ginsters were unavailable for comment.

Hayle Nature Reserve to be replaced with multi-storey Ann Summers store.

Plans are underway to build a flagship Ann Summers store in Hayle.

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The 1 mile square building will be the biggest in the world, selling everything from adult toys to clothing. Project executive – Terry Todger is very excited with the new shop, he said “This is a great opportunity for the people of Hayle. It will not only bring tens of jobs to the area, extra income and thousands of visitors to the town, it will also put Hayle on the map!”

To keep in with the recent erection of the Asda store in Hayle, Ann Summers will also be a gold building with a male, adult theme statue in the car park.

Although it will be built on the nature reserve, it will not effect the current wildlife there as the building will be built on giant stilts, allowing life to continue under the shop. The store will have a grand opening next year by local radio celebrity and comedian Johnny Crowling.

Nearly Home Trees stolen!

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The Nearly Home Trees along the A30 in Devon have been stolen.

Motorist, Dave Jones of Camborne reported the strange disappearance to Cornish News this morning, he said “I was driving back from London after being a TV extra on the Jeremy Kyle Show. When I left on Friday, the trees were there, but on the way home they were gone! I think people must have stolen them for firewood, you know what it’s like in Devon!”

The trees, situated along the A30, in Devon near the River Wolf are a famous landmark for travellers returning to Cornwall from up country. People often take photos of the trees and post online to tell their friends and family they’re “Nearly Home!”

It’s now believed that people will be forced to take a photo of the portaloo situated in a lay-by a little further down the road to show that they are nearly home!

DJ breaks up bar brawl by playing Benny Hill theme tune.

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A DJ was praised as a hero on New Years Eve after breaking up a mass fight by playing the Benny Hill theme tune.

DJ – Jimmy Disco, real name Dave Smith was working at the Dinlo’s Nightclub in Camborne, Cornwall when the fight broke out, he said “It was an hour to go until the new year countdown. I thought I would put on a slow song just to get everyone in the loving mood. I played Tammy Wynette – Stand By Your Man. As soon as the song started and the words “Stand by your man” came through the speakers, a few women walked across the room from their partners and stood with other men, then all hell broke loose! There was chairs flying, pool cues snapping and bottles going everywhere, it was crazy! We managed to call the police, but after a couple of minutes the fight was still going. I thought, I started this mess, I need to finish it! I had a sudden thought, I scrolled through my laptop and found it – Benny Hill. I had nothing to lose! I pressed play and when the music kicked in, the fight went from terrifying to hilarious. People were throwing punches to the music and giggling. After a minute, the whole room stopped fighting and everyone was making friends, laughing and joking. When the police arrived, the whole club was back in party mode. The police warned me only to phone them in an emergency and threatened me with wasting police time.”

Nobody was hurt in the incident and clubbers at Dinlo’s nightclub saw in the new year with a smile on their faces.