Camborne Santa caught shoplifting.

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A man dressed as Santa was caught shoplifting in Camborne today. Security managed to stop the man when they grabbed him by the sack.

Security guard, Derek Wiseman of the Chocolate Box pound shop captured the thief, he said “I was stood in the shop and suddenly this scruffy looking Santa came through the door carrying a black sack. Apart from the fact he was dressed like Santa, he was looking rather dodgy. He kept looking round to see if anyone was watching before stuffing a load of Lynx Africa into his bag. As he tried to leave the shop, he saw me and started running. I chased him down into the square, where I managed to grab his sack. He tripped and I landed on him. I gripped him and his sack very tightly until the police arrived. That’s the first time I’ve come across a thieving Santa, it was weird!”

The man was later named as 32 year old, Harry Sack, of Fore Street Camborne. He will face trial later this month at Truro Crown Court.

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The Meht Office say we’ll get snow dreckly.

Speech bubble drawn on the snow

The Meht Office have confirmed we will be getting snow, dreckly.

Camborne’s head meteorologist, Derek Hutchins gave the report this morning on his Facebook profile, he said “We’ve been looking at the weather maps and can’t make head nor tail of them. We’ve been struggling in the office ever since they upgraded our computer from Windows 98 to Windows Xp. The only good thing is, Solitaire still works.”

Yesterday they reported that we will be getting a heatwave on Christmas day. The only thing Derek is certain about, is that we will be getting a completely different weather forecast tomorrow.

It will be hotter than your mum this Christmas.

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The Meht Office has reported that we are set for a heatwave in December which will last through until early next year.

Weather reporter, Derek Hutchins, said “It’s gonna be hot, so hot. Christmas day will be hotter than your mum and that’s bleddy hot! Expect the beaches to be stacked out and  crawling with emmets!”

Some news agencies are reporting that it will be snowing on Christmas, but they’ll say anything!

The Meht Office have advised to stock up on sun cream and ask for speedos as a Christmas present! They also said to enjoy it while you can, because it will be pissing down in February.

 

Camborne man says the problem with KFC is that it only sells chicken.

kfc poolA Camborne man has criticised the new KFC in Pool for “only selling chicken.”

32 year old, Kevin Cock from Pendarves Street Camborne posted the comment on the KFC Pool Facebook page, he said “Went KFC Pool today and was disappointed. The problem with that shop is, it only sells chicken!”

Manager Derek Davies replied to the comment, he said “I hate to break it to you pal, but the clue as to why we only sell chicken is in the title!”

Kevin didn’t reply and was last seen outside Mc Donalds.

 

Truro’s Santa criticised for not being fat or drunk.

20181128_182617People criticised Santa at the Reindeer Parade in Truro this evening, saying he wasn’t like the traditional Santa Claus.

Thousands of people showed for this years event, which marked the beginning of Truro’s late night shopping.

38 year old, Camborne man – Barry Ball was disappointed with the event, he said “I spent half my giro getting here this evening, caught the train up from Camborne and you know how hard that is on a Wednesday. Got up here, queued for bleddy ages. When I got to Santa, he looked all healthy, sober and slim – what was that all about! It was so busy as well, I had to push past three families with their young children just so I could get a high five!”

Barry’s opinion wasn’t shared by all, Sandra from Chacewater had a lovely time, she said “It was such a wonderful evening, so many people enjoying themselves and it wasn’t too cold, or wet! I’m really in the Christmas spirit now! I can’t wait to sit at home on Christmas day feeling fat full and bloated.”

Shoppers will visit Truro tonight to preview items they will later buy for cheap online.

truro christmas

Small business owners are preparing for late night shopping in Truro this evening. Thousands of people will descend on the city to enjoy the Reindeer Parade.

People are being urged to actually buy something they like from the shop, rather than being a skank and going home to buy it cheaper online.

Camborne man, Malcolm Monday who is off to Truro said, “I do go round the shops, av a look and if there’s something I like, I do take a picture on my Nokia 2210 phone and go home and find it cheap on ebay.”

Santa and his reindeer will be parading through Truro at 6.45pm. The park and ride will be operating all night.

Remember, it will be busy so leave early and will probably be pissing down, so take a jacket.

Cornwall will be hit by three inches of rain and strong gales making Dianna the dirtiest storm of the year.

moist

Storm Dianna is currently battering the UK and it’s beastly.

With 3 inches of rain and gale force winds of up to 70mph, the Meht Office have issued an amber weather warning, with risks of flooding.

The beastly weather is expected to continue into Wednesday. Head of Camborne Meht Office, Derek Hutchins, said “Now, this might sound weird, but Cornwall is expecting that rain, that do get e wet! To put it into simple terms, it will be pissing down, the weather is beastly!”

It’s advised that if you have no reason to leave the house, then wrap up nice and warm and watch a bit of Jeremy Kyle show, or get pissed. The weather should be back to just normal rain by the end of the week!