People criticised Santa at the Reindeer Parade in Truro this evening, saying he wasn’t like the traditional Santa Claus.
Thousands of people showed for this years event, which marked the beginning of Truro’s late night shopping.
38 year old, Camborne man – Barry Ball was disappointed with the event, he said “I spent half my giro getting here this evening, caught the train up from Camborne and you know how hard that is on a Wednesday. Got up here, queued for bleddy ages. When I got to Santa, he looked all healthy, sober and slim – what was that all about! It was so busy as well, I had to push past three families with their young children just so I could get a high five!”
Barry’s opinion wasn’t shared by all, Sandra from Chacewater had a lovely time, she said “It was such a wonderful evening, so many people enjoying themselves and it wasn’t too cold, or wet! I’m really in the Christmas spirit now! I can’t wait to sit at home on Christmas day feeling fat full and bloated.”
Storm Dianna is currently battering the UK and it’s beastly.
With 3 inches of rain and gale force winds of up to 70mph, the Meht Office have issued an amber weather warning, with risks of flooding.
The beastly weather is expected to continue into Wednesday. Head of Camborne Meht Office, Derek Hutchins, said “Now, this might sound weird, but Cornwall is expecting that rain, that do get e wet! To put it into simple terms, it will be pissing down, the weather is beastly!”
It’s advised that if you have no reason to leave the house, then wrap up nice and warm and watch a bit of Jeremy Kyle show, or get pissed. The weather should be back to just normal rain by the end of the week!
A Camborne man who stole turkey and tried hiding it in his backside says he regrets the whole incident.
Albert Hole, of Rose Cottages Camborne stood before the judge at Redruth Magistrates court on Tuesday, he confessed “I am so sorry your honour, it was the worst decision of my life! I originally put the packet of raw, diced turkey down my trousers, but when I saw the security guard I panicked and had to do something quick. Looking back, I should have just put the turkey back, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I rushed into the toilets, broke open the packet and one by one, stuffed the bits of turkey up my bum. It felt slimy and really hurt. I then dumped the packet in the bin. It was so stupid, it took days to get the pieces out of my ass and at one point, I sat on the toilet and a piece of turkey dropped out like a chicken nugget!”
Norman’s supermarket Security guard, Robin Banks gave evidence before the court, he said “I noticed Mr. Hole looking rather suspicious and on edge. As I began to observe him, he quickly snuck into the toilet. When he finally emerged, he was walking like John Wayne. As I approached him, he broke down in tears and told me what he’d done. I felt bad because I couldn’t stop laughing.”
After the hearing, Judge, Sam Boy decided to drop all charges as Albert had already suffered enough.
An environmentalist, who vows to save the planet drove 100 miles to buy paper straws.
David Numpty, from Penzance in Cornwall drove to Devon to buy paper straws after his local supermarket had sold out. Posting on his Facebook profile, he said “I can’t believe Lidl have sold out of paper straws, I had to drive 100 miles to buy some, but I’d drive a 1000 miles if it meant saving the planet!”
His Facebook post caused quite a stir, with people commenting about how stupid he was, one person said “Driving 100 miles in that shit box Corsa to buy some paper straws, are you really that dim?”
David defended his actions, he said “It’s about taking action, I know I may have polluted the air with my diesel car, but I was making a stand and saying no, I will not buy plastic straws. But, let’s not forget, I still bought my bottled water from my local supermarket.
Is Cornwall about to get an upgrade – with a new Pound Planet store?
Rumours have been circulating the Wagoners pub in Camborne all day.
Our reliable source, Derek Hutchins was first to mention it when he was talking to old bird behind the bar, he said “Ere, I reckon they’re gonna have Pound Planet down here soon! I was right about KFC! I said backlong, in 1972 that Pool would get a KFC, I was right wasn’t I!”
Derek has been right about many things, back in 1998 he said the Zone nightclub was closing. Twenty years later and he was right! He also predicted back in 1995 that Pool Market was closing down, which hasn’t happened yet, but he could be right one day!
Local councillor, Barry Bal-Sak isn’t sure about the new store, he said “Cornwall already has Poundland, Poundstretcher and Home Bargains, how can me and my family go to every single store and look round on a Saturday afternoon, it’s just too much mooching!”
Plans have already begun for the grand opening, with local pianist, Carlo Curly performing his church organ version of Motorhead – Ace Of Spades and Trevor’s Karaoke will be providing a line dance group and candy floss machine.
A bargain hunter from Cornwall returned his TV today, saying “It’s got the same old crap on it as my old TV!”
Derek Hutchins, from Camborne Cornwall bought the TV at his local branch of B&M last Friday, he said “I camped out overnight, in the pissing down rain to get that TV. When the shop doors opened, I had to punch a member of staff in the face to make sure I was first in! I Grabbed the nearest TV I could find and got out quick. I even left my tent in the car park – it was bedlam!
When I got home and switched it on, I soon realised that, TVs ain’t that special, they all show the same old crap!”
Derek was given a full refund and is hoping to get a new microwave in the January sales.
Camborne is set to get new nightclub next year. The 1000 capacity club will be above Poundland next to Argos. Local businessman Del Davis, said “Camborne really needs a club and I’ve decided it’s time to set one up. It’ll be above the pound shop, so I thought I’d call it the Ministry Of Pound, it’s a catchy name! It’s in the perfect location because it’s right next to the taxi rank. People can go to Spoons, Tyacks, White Hart then finish off in the club, it will be amazing!”
Camborne has had a few clubs over the years with the Berkely Centre in the 80’s and 90’s followed by the Corn Exchange. Ever since the Zone nightclub closed a few months ago, people have really struggled to enjoy a night out, with pubs getting overcrowded in the area.