20 mile tailback when two polite tourist drivers offer each other the right of way on A30 junction.

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Two drivers were stuck on the A30 yesterday, after offering each other the right of way causing a 20 mile tailback on a junction.

Drivers, Richard Richtwit and Harry Secondhome met on the Boxheater junction along the A30 when the incident happened.

Local witness, Dave from Camborne was stuck in the traffic, he said “They were just sat there, smiling and making hand signals for at least two hours, saying – “No you go!” Then the other one would say, “No you go!” People were beeping their horns and some drivers were hanging out their windows, shouting “Just effing go!!!” It went on for 2 hours, until the bloke in the brand new Mercedes, with a massive box on the roof realised he was actually lost! So he done a u-turn in the middle of the road and went back up the other way! You certainly do get them down here that’s for sure!”

Police are urging motorists to be more considerate towards other road users, as the majority of people in Cornwall are just trying to go about their normal lives and not swanning about the place without a care in the world!

They would also like to remind people of how extremely dangerous it is to perform u-turns in the middle of main roads!

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Man loves Ginsters so much he got their logo tattooed on his ass.

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A Cornish man loves Ginsters pasties so much he got their logo tattooed on his ass.

Steve Heller, from Camborne in Cornwall is a huge fan of the pasties and claims to eat at least 3 a day, he said “I love them, they’re so tasty! The other day I was eating two at the same time, one in each hand when I thought – I should get the tattoo! I couldn’t sit down for a couple of days after, but it was well worth it!”

The 39 year old hopes that one day he can visit the factory where they’re made in the north of Cornwall! Ginsters were unavailable for comment.

Hayle Nature Reserve to be replaced with multi-storey Ann Summers store.

Plans are underway to build a flagship Ann Summers store in Hayle.

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The 1 mile square building will be the biggest in the world, selling everything from adult toys to clothing. Project executive – Terry Todger is very excited with the new shop, he said “This is a great opportunity for the people of Hayle. It will not only bring tens of jobs to the area, extra income and thousands of visitors to the town, it will also put Hayle on the map!”

To keep in with the recent erection of the Asda store in Hayle, Ann Summers will also be a gold building with a male, adult theme statue in the car park.

Although it will be built on the nature reserve, it will not effect the current wildlife there as the building will be built on giant stilts, allowing life to continue under the shop. The store will have a grand opening next year by local radio celebrity and comedian Johnny Crowling.

Nearly Home Trees stolen!

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The Nearly Home Trees along the A30 in Devon have been stolen.

Motorist, Dave Jones of Camborne reported the strange disappearance to Cornish News this morning, he said “I was driving back from London after being a TV extra on the Jeremy Kyle Show. When I left on Friday, the trees were there, but on the way home they were gone! I think people must have stolen them for firewood, you know what it’s like in Devon!”

The trees, situated along the A30, in Devon near the River Wolf are a famous landmark for travellers returning to Cornwall from up country. People often take photos of the trees and post online to tell their friends and family they’re “Nearly Home!”

It’s now believed that people will be forced to take a photo of the portaloo situated in a lay-by a little further down the road to show that they are nearly home!

Cornwall to face 4 months of mizzle.

The Meht Office have issued a pink weather warning today, saying Cornwall will be hit by 4 months of mizzle.

Mizzle is a mysterious type of weather that only occurs in Cornwall. A cross between mist and drizzle and you have mizzle.

Head meteorologist, Derek Hutchins said, “The weather is gonna be beastly, with 4 months of mizzle. It’s gonna be depressing as hell!”

Derek advises everyone to stay indoors and watch EastEnders.

Camborne Mafia disbanded after leader accidentally gets a job.

The notorious gang, the Camborne Mafia are no more! They broke up last week in a dramatic turn of events, which ended in a three chav fight outside Aldi.

Ex member, Wayne Andrews said, “Last week, Darren went into Spar to nick a can of 35p energy drink. The lady behind the counter asked what he was doing and he said he worked there. They knew he didn’t work there, but they played along for a laugh. Within half an hour, they had him out the back sweeping up! When he finished they asked if he actually wanted a job and he said yes! What a dick! We had one rule and that was not to get a job and he broke it! So when he finished his shift, Mikey and me waited outside and jumped him! Done him in good and proper! But, he was the leader and we use to have gang meetings at his house, because his mum was always down the bingo hall. So now we haven’t got anywhere to go, so me and Mikey just hang round outside Aldi.”

It’s believed the gang will be up and running again soon, as Darren keeps turning up late for work at the Spar shop…