Parking meter found to be bogus when it toppled over and batteries fell out.

A parking meter was taken away for investigation yesterday after it was found to be fake.

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The discovery was made by local man, Dave Martin on the coastal road near Hayle. Dave was about to walk his dog when he noticed the meter, he said “I often go for a nice walk along the coastal path and I always park in the same spot, in a lay-by. When I first saw the parking meter, I was a little angry because, I’m local and believe everything in Cornwall should be free for people like me. My plan was to pay the £1 charge, then when I got home, phone Laurence on the radio and complain live on air. I was about to put the money in the machine, when my dog cocked his leg up and took a pee on it. Charlie’s a lovely dog, but he’s getting on a bit now and he often leans his leg against things he’s peeing on! The weight of Charlie toppled the meter onto floor and then four batteries fell out the back. It was so strange. I took a closer look and it looked like someone made the meter out of a plastic box and some stickers. I phoned the council to explain that my dog accidentally broke their meter, but they said, there were no meters in the lay-by along the north coastal road.”

 

The Council took the meter away for further investigation and warned people to check all parking meters before putting money in them, they said, “Parking meters are all over Cornwall and whether you are a local or not, everyone has to pay. Parking meters are very sturdy and do not contain batteries. If your dog was to pee against it, it would never fall down, unless it had visibly been damaged.”

 

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Thousands of new five pound notes wash up onto Portreath car park.

 

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People have been rushing to the village of Portreath this morning, after thousands of plastic five pound notes washed up onto the beach car park. It is believed the money was dumped from a fishing boat, used by smugglers after they were chased by customs off the north coast of Cornwall.

Hundreds of people have ignored police warnings, not to go looking for the money and have descended onto the car park to scoop up the cash. Barry Davies from Redruth said, “I’ve been here all morning and so far have found £3020, I’m going to book a holiday when I get home! It’s the best day of my life!”

Dave Williams, who lives in the village said, “I was walking my dog at 6am this morning, it was still dark. When I walked into the car park, I could see lots of rubbish all over the floor. I thought the gulls must of been ripping the bins apart again, but when I looked closer the floor was littered with plastic fivers. I didn’t take any, I just rushed back home and phoned the police!”

The police said, “It was a very high tide last night and the water was overflowing onto the road. We think the money was dumped off a boat and the high tide pushed all the money into the car park. We advise people not to look for the money, as taking any would lead to arrest and prosecution. We also advised people to always take care when visiting the coastal areas and to follow all orders from the coast guard.

 

Seagull steals man’s false teeth in St. Ives.

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An elderly man was left furious yesterday after a seagull stole his false teeth.

Dave Pascoe, from Hayle witnessed the incident, he said “I was sat outside the pub, by the red phone box looking at the harbour. There was an elderly man, he must have been in his eighties eating a really big sub roll sandwich. As usual, there were loads of seagulls flying round and I suddenly saw one swoop towards him and grab his sandwich. The bird flew off with the roll and something fell out of the man’s mouth. It all happened so fast, the man swung for the bird, missed, then did a double take as he looked at the object on the floor and with this weird voice, shouted “My teeth!” It was his false teeth on the floor! I think he was biting the sandwich when the seagull pulled it from his hands, taking his full set of top teeth out in the process. As he bent down onto the cobble road and scrambled for his dentures, another seagull swooped down, picked up his teeth and flew off out to sea, following the other bird holding his sandwich! The man looked really angry and was waving his fist, yelling and swearing “Give me my fu**ing teeth back!” I felt bad that I couldn’t stop laughing, but seeing the man double take at his teeth and then shout “My teeth!” was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I have no Idea who he was, but he looked at me and said “That’s right, you laugh! Luckily I’ve got a spare at home!” He then calmed down and burst out laughing, mumbling “Bleddy seagulls” before walking back towards the town.

The RSPB are calling for the government to introduce bylaws that fine people who feed gulls in urban areas to help combat the rising number of seagull attacks in Cornwall.

 

1 wounded after airgun shootout between two rival pasty makers in Cornwall.

A man was treated in Hospital last night after a gun battle erupted between two rival pasty makers in Cornwall.

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The incident happened outside a derelict building, formerly the Normans Supermarket in Camborne, Cornwall.

A witness was walking her dog when she heard shouting in the car park, she said “I was out walking the dog, past the old supermarket when I heard all this noise and commotion. I looked into the blocked off car park and I could see about 10 people in white overalls fighting, it was absolute bedlam. This big lady had a gun and a couple men had rolling pins. I quickly rushed home and called the police.”

P.C. Peter Penter said “We received a call at 8.15pm on Saturday night, after a member of the public witnessed two groups of people, dressed in white overalls fighting outside an old derelict building. One man was seen to be carrying a long object, thought to be a rolling pin and a lady had an air rifle. When we arrived at the scene, the gangs had left the area and we found an injured man, perched against the wall holding his groin. It appears his attacker was aiming for his testicles. The middle aged man was taken to hospital and treated for mild injuries!”

It is believed the battle is part of an ongoing pasty war between Harry Hockings and Polglaze Pasties in Camborne. The two companies have been feuding for years ever since Harry Hocking poached one of Polglazes top crimpers, Sidney “Some Boy” Stevens, from Drump Road Redruth.

 

Man struck by lightning using selfie stick in Cornwall

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A Camborne man has been hospitalised after his Selfie Stick was struck by lightning!

Malcolm Rosevear of Pengegon was on Carn Brea taking photos when the incident happened.

A passer by said “I was walking my dog when I saw a man standing on a rock with his phone on a stick! I realised it was one of those Selfie Sticke. I thought to myself “It’s a bit dangerous in this thunder and lightning, he’s gonna have someone’s eye out with that.” Then all of a sudden there was a flash and a bolt lightning hit the stick. The lightning went down his arm and I saw a spark fly out his behind! It was the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. I reckon there was a lot of built up gas or something as the lightning set him off like a rocket!”

Malcolm was using a Selfie Stick on Carn Brea.

Malcolm was using a Selfie Stick on Carn Brea.

A doctor at Kernow Hospital in Truro said “Malcolm is completely recovered. His only concern at the moment is getting his phone back so he can post the photo on Facebook.”

Weather ALERT – Spider Snow on Christmas Day!

spider snowBritain weather Alert as it will snow spiders on Christmas day!

700mph hour winds will hit the UK tomorrow at 9.34am, bringing snow and spiders from the middle east!

Weather forecasters have warned that it could be the worst weather since 1932.Michael Chips from the MET Office Camborne said “There’s gonna be bleddy snow and spiders pissing down on us! Get as much beer as you can because i’ll tell ‘e something for nothing, once the spiders are here, you wont be leaving the house for a day of two

“The storm is expect to last well into next week and is worst than earlier predicted of just thunders snow!

Man has Cornish Pasty removed from anus.

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A Camborne man was rushed to hospital today to have a Cornish Pasty removed from his anus.

 
Nigel Truscott, from Pengegon, Camborne is thought to have been performing a strange sex act when the incident happened. His neighbour, Dorean Bunt called the ambulance after spotting Nigel in his back garden, she said “I was doing the dishes when I heard a groaning noise coming from next door. I went outside and saw Nigel lying face down with his trousers round his ankles and the knob end of a pasty sticking out his backside! I quickly ran in and called the ambulance. He was clearly in pain, but I couldn’t help but laugh!”

 
He was rushed to hoipital and surgeons had to perform an emergency operation. Shortly after the operation began, a fight broke out between two men who were arguing whether the veg inside the pasty was
called turnip or swede!

 
Recovering in hospital, Nigel told Cornish News, “I’m on the mend and won’t be doing that again!”

 
Steve Heller – Cornish News