A man was in hospital last night after he was attacked with a carrot during a pasty club meeting in Cornwall.
The Penponds Pasty Club, near Camborne was holding its first ever exclusive pasty night when a fight broke out between two members.
Michael Barnicoat, of Fore Street Camborne was attending the club when the incident happened, he said “Hellup there was! Dave Vincent was doing a demonstration on pasties when his phone went off. Everyone burst out laughing and Dave got a bit embarrassed, so he took his phone in the toilet. Funny thing was, it was Terry Pascoe, calling Dave from the back of the room pretending to be someone from the bank. When Dave went to the toilet to answer his phone, Terry pulled a carrot out his pocket, walked up to the front of the room and dropped the carrot in Dave’s half made pasty. Of course, everyone burst out laughing and Dave must of heard them through his phone. He stuck his head out the loo door, saw Terry and was fuming! He grabbed the carrot, stormed over and shouted “I’ll give you bleddy carrot!” Pulled Terry’s jogging bottoms down and rammed the carrot right up his ass! Terry yelped out like a dog with trapped nuts and dropped to the floor like a sack of tatties.”
It happened so quick, the room went quiet and nobody knew what to do. Dave stormed out the club and we haven’t seen him since!”
Club members eventually called an ambulance and he was stretchered off, face down with a tea towel covering the carrot.
Chairman Mark Mitchell said “Well, we weren’t expecting that. It was our first ever pasty club and we think it’ll be the last. The meet is cancelled until further notice. It’s a shame really as we had a great turn out, twelve people on the first night was the biggest crowd the village has ever seen. Terry was out of hospital this morning. I feel a bit sorry for him, as everyone’s been teasing him with carrot jokes and someone even said he looked a bit orange.”
A Cornish Easter egg hunt was abandoned today, when a hunter mistook dog poo for hidden chocolate.
Mark Penrose, 39 from Radnor, was taking part in the annual Easter egg hunt at Park Shady Woods, near Redruth, Cornwall when the incident happened, he said “It was the first time I’ve done an egg hunt. I found a couple eggs near the crossing of a river and was having a lovely time. There were lots of families there enjoying the day as well.
I saw a plastic bag on the floor near where I found the two eggs. I picked it up and whacked it in the basket. I didn’t think nothing of it and took my stash back to my car.
I was sat in my car reading the paper and wasn’t paying much attention. I ate the first egg, it was tasty. Then I reached in my basket, pulled out the bag and ripped it open. It was very soft and a little warm. I opened it up and just put it in my mouth. It tasted salty and weird and instantly made me wretch, then I smelt it… poo! I scraped it off my tongue, climbed out the car and threw up in the stream.”
Word quickly spread about Marks mishap and the hunt was called off.
Mark added “Dog owners should take responsibility for their animals when out in public and think of the impact it has on others. It’s lucky the poo wasn’t picked up by a youngster.
A parking meter was taken away for investigation yesterday after it was found to be fake.
The discovery was made by local man, Dave Martin on the coastal road near Hayle. Dave was about to walk his dog when he noticed the meter, he said “I often go for a nice walk along the coastal path and I always park in the same spot, in a lay-by. When I first saw the parking meter, I was a little angry because, I’m local and believe everything in Cornwall should be free for people like me. My plan was to pay the £1 charge, then when I got home, phone Laurence on the radio and complain live on air. I was about to put the money in the machine, when my dog cocked his leg up and took a pee on it. Charlie’s a lovely dog, but he’s getting on a bit now and he often leans his leg against things he’s peeing on! The weight of Charlie toppled the meter onto floor and then four batteries fell out the back. It was so strange. I took a closer look and it looked like someone made the meter out of a plastic box and some stickers. I phoned the council to explain that my dog accidentally broke their meter, but they said, there were no meters in the lay-by along the north coastal road.”
The Council took the meter away for further investigation and warned people to check all parking meters before putting money in them, they said, “Parking meters are all over Cornwall and whether you are a local or not, everyone has to pay. Parking meters are very sturdy and do not contain batteries. If your dog was to pee against it, it would never fall down, unless it had visibly been damaged.”
People have been rushing to the village of Portreath this morning, after thousands of plastic five pound notes washed up onto the beach car park. It is believed the money was dumped from a fishing boat, used by smugglers after they were chased by customs off the north coast of Cornwall.
Hundreds of people have ignored police warnings, not to go looking for the money and have descended onto the car park to scoop up the cash. Barry Davies from Redruth said, “I’ve been here all morning and so far have found £3020, I’m going to book a holiday when I get home! It’s the best day of my life!”
Dave Williams, who lives in the village said, “I was walking my dog at 6am this morning, it was still dark. When I walked into the car park, I could see lots of rubbish all over the floor. I thought the gulls must of been ripping the bins apart again, but when I looked closer the floor was littered with plastic fivers. I didn’t take any, I just rushed back home and phoned the police!”
The police said, “It was a very high tide last night and the water was overflowing onto the road. We think the money was dumped off a boat and the high tide pushed all the money into the car park. We advise people not to look for the money, as taking any would lead to arrest and prosecution. We also advised people to always take care when visiting the coastal areas and to follow all orders from the coast guard.
An elderly man was left furious yesterday after a seagull stole his false teeth.
Dave Pascoe, from Hayle witnessed the incident, he said “I was sat outside the pub, by the red phone box looking at the harbour. There was an elderly man, he must have been in his eighties eating a really big sub roll sandwich. As usual, there were loads of seagulls flying round and I suddenly saw one swoop towards him and grab his sandwich. The bird flew off with the roll and something fell out of the man’s mouth. It all happened so fast, the man swung for the bird, missed, then did a double take as he looked at the object on the floor and with this weird voice, shouted “My teeth!” It was his false teeth on the floor! I think he was biting the sandwich when the seagull pulled it from his hands, taking his full set of top teeth out in the process. As he bent down onto the cobble road and scrambled for his dentures, another seagull swooped down, picked up his teeth and flew off out to sea, following the other bird holding his sandwich! The man looked really angry and was waving his fist, yelling and swearing “Give me my fu**ing teeth back!” I felt bad that I couldn’t stop laughing, but seeing the man double take at his teeth and then shout “My teeth!” was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I have no Idea who he was, but he looked at me and said “That’s right, you laugh! Luckily I’ve got a spare at home!” He then calmed down and burst out laughing, mumbling “Bleddy seagulls” before walking back towards the town.
The RSPB are calling for the government to introduce bylaws that fine people who feed gulls in urban areas to help combat the rising number of seagull attacks in Cornwall.
A man was treated in Hospital last night after a gun battle erupted between two rival pasty makers in Cornwall.
The incident happened outside a derelict building, formerly the Normans Supermarket in Camborne, Cornwall.
A witness was walking her dog when she heard shouting in the car park, she said “I was out walking the dog, past the old supermarket when I heard all this noise and commotion. I looked into the blocked off car park and I could see about 10 people in white overalls fighting, it was absolute bedlam. This big lady had a gun and a couple men had rolling pins. I quickly rushed home and called the police.”
P.C. Peter Penter said “We received a call at 8.15pm on Saturday night, after a member of the public witnessed two groups of people, dressed in white overalls fighting outside an old derelict building. One man was seen to be carrying a long object, thought to be a rolling pin and a lady had an air rifle. When we arrived at the scene, the gangs had left the area and we found an injured man, perched against the wall holding his groin. It appears his attacker was aiming for his testicles. The middle aged man was taken to hospital and treated for mild injuries!”
It is believed the battle is part of an ongoing pasty war between Harry Hockings and Polglaze Pasties in Camborne. The two companies have been feuding for years ever since Harry Hocking poached one of Polglazes top crimpers, Sidney “Some Boy” Stevens, from Drump Road Redruth.
A Camborne man has been hospitalised after his Selfie Stick was struck by lightning!
Malcolm Rosevear of Pengegon was on Carn Brea taking photos when the incident happened.
A passer by said “I was walking my dog when I saw a man standing on a rock with his phone on a stick! I realised it was one of those Selfie Sticke. I thought to myself “It’s a bit dangerous in this thunder and lightning, he’s gonna have someone’s eye out with that.” Then all of a sudden there was a flash and a bolt lightning hit the stick. The lightning went down his arm and I saw a spark fly out his behind! It was the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. I reckon there was a lot of built up gas or something as the lightning set him off like a rocket!”
Malcolm was using a Selfie Stick on Carn Brea.
A doctor at Kernow Hospital in Truro said “Malcolm is completely recovered. His only concern at the moment is getting his phone back so he can post the photo on Facebook.”