A DJ was praised as a hero on New Years Eve after breaking up a mass fight by playing the Benny Hill theme tune.
DJ – Jimmy Disco, real name Dave Smith was working at the Dinlo’s Nightclub in Camborne, Cornwall when the fight broke out, he said “It was an hour to go until the new year countdown. I thought I would put on a slow song just to get everyone in the loving mood. I played Tammy Wynette – Stand By Your Man. As soon as the song started and the words “Stand by your man” came through the speakers, a few women walked across the room from their partners and stood with other men, then all hell broke loose! There was chairs flying, pool cues snapping and bottles going everywhere, it was crazy! We managed to call the police, but after a couple of minutes the fight was still going. I thought, I started this mess, I need to finish it! I had a sudden thought, I scrolled through my laptop and found it – Benny Hill. I had nothing to lose! I pressed play and when the music kicked in, the fight went from terrifying to hilarious. People were throwing punches to the music and giggling. After a minute, the whole room stopped fighting and everyone was making friends, laughing and joking. When the police arrived, the whole club was back in party mode. The police warned me only to phone them in an emergency and threatened me with wasting police time.”
Nobody was hurt in the incident and clubbers at Dinlo’s nightclub saw in the new year with a smile on their faces.
A man dressed as Santa was caught shoplifting in Camborne today. Security managed to stop the man when they grabbed him by the sack.
Security guard, Derek Wiseman of the Chocolate Box pound shop captured the thief, he said “I was stood in the shop and suddenly this scruffy looking Santa came through the door carrying a black sack. Apart from the fact he was dressed like Santa, he was looking rather dodgy. He kept looking round to see if anyone was watching before stuffing a load of Lynx Africa into his bag. As he tried to leave the shop, he saw me and started running. I chased him down into the square, where I managed to grab his sack. He tripped and I landed on him. I gripped him and his sack very tightly until the police arrived. That’s the first time I’ve come across a thieving Santa, it was weird!”
The man was later named as 32 year old, Harry Sack, of Fore Street Camborne. He will face trial later this month at Truro Crown Court.
The Meht Office have confirmed we will be getting snow, dreckly.
Camborne’s head meteorologist, Derek Hutchins gave the report this morning on his Facebook profile, he said “We’ve been looking at the weather maps and can’t make head nor tail of them. We’ve been struggling in the office ever since they upgraded our computer from Windows 98 to Windows Xp. The only good thing is, Solitaire still works.”
Yesterday they reported that we will be getting a heatwave on Christmas day. The only thing Derek is certain about, is that we will be getting a completely different weather forecast tomorrow.
Small business owners are preparing for late night shopping in Truro this evening. Thousands of people will descend on the city to enjoy the Reindeer Parade.
People are being urged to actually buy something they like from the shop, rather than being a skank and going home to buy it cheaper online.
Camborne man, Malcolm Monday who is off to Truro said, “I do go round the shops, av a look and if there’s something I like, I do take a picture on my Nokia 2210 phone and go home and find it cheap on ebay.”
Santa and his reindeer will be parading through Truro at 6.45pm. The park and ride will be operating all night.
Remember, it will be busy so leave early and will probably be pissing down, so take a jacket.
An environmentalist, who vows to save the planet drove 100 miles to buy paper straws.
David Numpty, from Penzance in Cornwall drove to Devon to buy paper straws after his local supermarket had sold out. Posting on his Facebook profile, he said “I can’t believe Lidl have sold out of paper straws, I had to drive 100 miles to buy some, but I’d drive a 1000 miles if it meant saving the planet!”
His Facebook post caused quite a stir, with people commenting about how stupid he was, one person said “Driving 100 miles in that shit box Corsa to buy some paper straws, are you really that dim?”
David defended his actions, he said “It’s about taking action, I know I may have polluted the air with my diesel car, but I was making a stand and saying no, I will not buy plastic straws. But, let’s not forget, I still bought my bottled water from my local supermarket.
The Meht Office have updated us this evening, warning we have more weather on its way today!
Monday will see light rain and a gentle breeze across Cornwall, Tuesday could possibly see snow, but lets be honest, it’s probably gonna to piss down and Wednesday is the same!
So there you go – weather!
We will be updating you again in the next two hours, with a totally opposite forecast, like “It will be the hottest Tuesday afternoon since records began!”
Weather forecasters have predicted Thundersnow followed by a heatwave tomorrow. It will begin at 6.17am in Cornwall and will end with a heatwave at 11.54am.
The Meht Office are not sure what weather we will be having after that but have given a few tips to ensure you are safe:
- If you are travelling: pack a blanket, flask of hot tea, shovel, sun cream, bucket and spade, speedos and flip flops.
- Don’t wear your speedos in the snow.
- Wear sun cream in the sun.
- Don’t leave the house unless it’s an emergency, for example, you are going down to the shop to get a can of Monster, or you’ve run out of Rizlas.
- When the heatwave hits, walk around in your speedos and flip flops like you are really cool.
If you follow these tips, you will be safe tomorrow. Next week it will rain.