A Camborne man who stole turkey and tried hiding it in his backside says he regrets the whole incident.
Albert Hole, of Rose Cottages Camborne stood before the judge at Redruth Magistrates court on Tuesday, he confessed “I am so sorry your honour, it was the worst decision of my life! I originally put the packet of raw, diced turkey down my trousers, but when I saw the security guard I panicked and had to do something quick. Looking back, I should have just put the turkey back, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I rushed into the toilets, broke open the packet and one by one, stuffed the bits of turkey up my bum. It felt slimy and really hurt. I then dumped the packet in the bin. It was so stupid, it took days to get the pieces out of my ass and at one point, I sat on the toilet and a piece of turkey dropped out like a chicken nugget!”
Norman’s supermarket Security guard, Robin Banks gave evidence before the court, he said “I noticed Mr. Hole looking rather suspicious and on edge. As I began to observe him, he quickly snuck into the toilet. When he finally emerged, he was walking like John Wayne. As I approached him, he broke down in tears and told me what he’d done. I felt bad because I couldn’t stop laughing.”
After the hearing, Judge, Sam Boy decided to drop all charges as Albert had already suffered enough.